This is going to be short since I have class in 15 minutes. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately and I don't know why or about what really... maybe its the weather or something but I feel like I have a minor case of "depression" and I put that in quotes cause I am obviously NOT depressed but my mood had been low lately... I DO blame it a little on the weather. It's weird how that can have such a HUGE effect on someone. I'm actually SURPRISED that Minnesotans are so nice considering what the weather does to us all the time. One day its 70 degrees and sunny, the next day its 15 degrees, wind chill -15, and SNOWING. I don't get it.
Regardless, it has just been an exhausting week and I have gotten so upset over the littlest things. I guess thats part of my personality--being high strung--- or whatever you want to call it. Tense maybe? But it SUCKS. I hate it so much. I wish I could be more easy going but sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know I have SO many GOOD things going on in my life, yet some days I dwell on all the things that ARE NOT going well in my life. Why do I do that? Is that a natural thing to do?
Maybe I am just coming to the sad realization that my life is officially over in a MONTH! That's it. A month. Graduation. I am jobless and poor and I don't care! I don't want to leave here ever... I don't have much of anything to look forward to right now (except good weather, lol!). As nice as it is to go home and see family and friends, have my personal space in my big room, etc. I can't believe my college life surrounded by lots of friends is OVER.... my sister text me this morning... "enjoy your last month of school... the real world/working BLOWS!" I almsot broke down and cried. Maybe I will be ready in a months time, but I highly doubt it. Senior Slide has set in. All I want to do it LIVE IT UP for the next month. Screw homework and Party with my friends. yet for some reason and I am angry, upset, confused.... tired? and it is interfering with my ability to do that....
well, i guess i dont have to share this, but I will! Whenever I get really down, I listen to "Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe & The RubberBand. It always gives me hope, haha...
ok I have to go. I won't be so vague next time. This actually made me feel a little better.
until next time.
Dre
When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain sill soon be gone.
(Chorus)
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,
But when the troubles come your way.
(Chorus)
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
(Dream big.)
(Dream big.)
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes,
cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and
don't let them know that they have one.
And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all
around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to
help to carry on when the troubles come your way.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
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2 comments:
Wow. I'm in the exact opposite place in my life. I'm taking time off from school to go to the police academy and work full time. I'm going to go back to school in the spring, but I'm so over college life. It feels like I'm not doing anything, and I need to be more proactive.
I don't know if you know what you wanna do long term, but I hope that you have a good time figuring it out.
Call up your venting person. I know I do when I get frustrated like this. If they don't answer, leave a voicemail. Sometimes saying the words aloud helps...and if you need another secret-keeper, Fred knows how to get me.
-j
I can totally understand what you're feeling... except that's just how I felt about high school. And you saw how well I transitioned into college after that... not so great. I thought I was ready to leave that bubble of friends/theatre behind but being thrust into the "real world" of college was not what I hoped for. The difference now is that there is really nothing to hold you back from doing ANYTHING you possibly want to do. You have your degree (even if it's not EXACTLY what you wanted..) and now the world is your oyster, so they say.
But I agree... it will suck for you to leave that environment. I've never had that in college so I'll miss visiting that lifestyle!!
Just live it up for now!!! Everyone goes through it - and all your friends are going to be in the same boat as you in less than 2 months... You won't be the only one sad to leave.
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